When footballers become popstars

So we have had all the Christmas music for at least a month and the temptation was to compile a top 10 of my favourites seasonal pop songs… As if!!!

Footballers are in the rare position of being able to get paid millions to do a job that they love, keeps them healthy and gives them quite a bit of free time to do things like… record pop songs.

Below is a list (definitely not a top 10 and is in no particular order!) of what happens when footballers become popstars:

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Glenn & Chris – Diamond Lights

Back in the day, before faith healers and mullets, Hoddle and Waddle were two of the finest footballers to grace to English top flight. Their careers took them to Monaco and Marseille respectively however with a tune like this it is just a wonder how it never took them to headline Wembley stadium for a concert as opposed to a football match. Simon le Bon and the Duran Duran boys must be kicking themselves for not having written what is genuinely a great song. Take a bow gents!

Kevin Keegan – Head over Heels in Love

Again another great song even if you take the footballing element away from the song. It has a certain Dennis Waterman element to it. Some incredibly dodgy fashion and dance moves in the video though.

Terry Venables – If I Can Dream

Bit of a theme occurring here so just before he even considers, the answer to Steve McClaren is NO! Not all England managers can get away with singing. In fact the same applies to Hodgson… Anyway, despite looking like he could play the role of The Boss in a Ray Winstone film, Venables clearly fancies himself as a bit of a crooner. Here he does a cover of an Elvis classic which was used on an advert by a certain red top during the 2010 World Cup.

Manchester United squad – Come on you reds

Come on folks admit it, even if you are staunch ABU (anyone but United) fans, you must have loved this song. United benefited from some generous tweaking from an old Status Quo song, to perform possibly the greatest football pop song of all time.

New Order – World in Motion

OK so maybe club loyalties were taking over my comments in the previous entry, this song IS in fact not only one of the best songs of all time. Not exactly difficult given that it was performed by the genius of New Order, however the songs greatness was still achieved despite Peter Beardsley’s voice being clearly audible Singing “Express Yourself”. Oh and the John Barnes rap… Looking back, how on earth did that bit ever come about? Who cares though, it was amazing.

You’ve got to hold and give
But do it at the right time
You can be slow or fast
But you must get to the line

They’ll always hit you and hurt you
Defend and attack
There’s only one way to beat them
Get round the back

Catch me if you can
‘Cause I’m the England man
And what you’re looking at
Is the master plan

We ain’t no hooligans
This ain’t a football song
Three lions on my chest
I know we can’t go wrong

Liverpool FC – Anfield Rap

Quite frankly this is the stuff of nightmares. John Barnes worked wonders for the previous entry with New Order but take a look at this video and you will want to vomit. Alan Hansen rapping? Jesus wept…

Baddiel, Lightning Seeds & Skinner – Three Lions ’96

I know what you’re thinking, however technically this is a song where footballers sing towards the end. Listen out for the chorus. It is hard to listen to this song and not feel bitter that England didn’t win the tournament.

Castro ft Asamoah Gyan (Baby Jet) – African girls

This… Quite franky… Is… Disturbing. At least it would kind of explain his goal celebration.

Ian Wright – Do The Right Thing

Thinking back, the success of winning both domestic cups in 1993 didn’t materialise into a successful league campaign for another 5 years for Arsenal. Who cares though? Wrighty, one of the league’s most potent strikers, came up with this 90s gem.

Andy Cole – Outstanding

From the time before he become known as Andrew Cole. Oh dear… A true test of club loyalty is whether I can defend this attempt even though it did include the line “United forever, whatever the weather”. The England forward line of Shearer and Sheringham in the ‘90s clearly left other forwards with time on their hands during international weeks which could perhaps explain Cole following Ian Wright’s example. However, despite the help from the Pied Piper, I am afraid this is a definite miss. No gags allowed…